Healthy Relationships with ADHD and anxiety?

Alexa play Stuck in the Middle by Tai Verdes....

Anyone else thrive in chaos!? I know it's not just me. What I didn't realize until now was that this is a part of ADHD, not just a quirk I have... like I was led to believe.

Something that I have realized coincides with my anxiety and ADHD is that healthy feels "boring" and "uncaring" sometimes. Until this stage of my life I never would have connected those dots. What is this shit?! Can't we just catch a break?

Here's the breakdown: 93% amazing communication, loving, self-growing, positive high on life relationship, 3% past trauma bullshit, 4% ADHD devil on my shoulder telling me to burn it all down and cause a ruckus😈 because it's just too good so something has to be wrong.

As I dive deeper into the why I myself am this way.... I know it's a mix of childhood trauma (my parents divorced and had a more chaotic relationship as far as I remember), personal trauma (my marriage and divorce) plus the neurodivergence (it's like a little bit of sparkle added to the mix). {que the 'add a little bit of spice' sound from Tik Tok}

The first step to making progress is to admit you have a problem 🤣... Then you have to own it. It is very likely you will stir some shit up (and it takes a partner that is very understanding) but that's the nature of the beast. Let's look at some ways that I have found to help me, in hopes it helps all those other crazies out there too!

Alexa play Work It by Missy Elliott...

Step two: We have to make sure that we are expressing ourselves in a way that does as little damage to our partner as possible. ie. no screaming matches where you can say hurtful things... you can forgive but forgetting is not possible. I prefer to journal to get my thoughts out on paper. This gives me a more logical view of the situation and less chance to just react out of emotion. {I am a Pisces...I thrive off of emotion🤦‍♂️} What is bothering me? Is this an issue I have had before? Am I just bottling things in that need to be brought up? How does this make me feel?

Step 2A: Search in my memories of the past to try and find the moment that might cause my trigger. Was it something I didn't speak up about as a child? How can I heal my inner child if that's the case? EFT? Meditation? Giving myself a hug and repeating positive affirmations? If this was a trigger due to my past relationship... I allow myself to settle into the feeling and move my body to release it {punching bag, dance, run}.. past relationships (romantic and otherwise) are meant to be lessons to guide us forward.

Step 2B: If it's just me not being vocal about a certain issue... I put on my big girl panties and say what needs to be said. After all, if bringing up something that upsets you causes turmoil in your relationship, you're probably not in the right one.

Step 3: Certain things that seem minute to others really fuck you up when you have anxiety and ADHD. We have a hard time when our feelings get really big and cause us to feel helpless. So, your neurotypical person will likely be like "oh, that's all, we just needed to have that conversation?" and the neurodivergent person feel like it was a whole knock down drag out brawl over the silliest of things. So....Step 3. Fuck 'em. No, literally. Get it girl, release that energy in a healthy way and reconnect!

Alexa play Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye

Much Love ❤✌